


and in my eyes (there's only you)

by Seicchanart



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Lazarus Pit (DCU), Lazarus Pit AU, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28923804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seicchanart/pseuds/Seicchanart
Summary: Rachel Dawes wakes up and doesn't know who she is.(Lazarus Pit AU belongs to @priama)
Relationships: Jonathan Crane/Rachel Dawes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	and in my eyes (there's only you)

**Author's Note:**

> just some slapped together drabbles about the lazarus pit au bc i can't get it out of my head since priama told me about the details of it.  
> (She's done some gorgeous art of that au over on her tumblr @p-riama so go check that out if you wanna. Also this is probably incomprehensible for anything except me and her)
> 
> emetophobia warning etc etc

She’s in a room when she wakes up, and her head is spinning. The first thing she notices is a man with a beard sitting in front of the bed she’s lying on, and a woman standing next to him.

The second thing is that she doesn’t know who she is.

She’s in a hospital, at least it looks like that. She knows what hospitals look like. She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything. When the man notices she’s woken up, he starts talking, but she can’t bring herself to listen. Everything feels so far away, everything feels wrong. 

She vomits off the side of the bed.

.

The man with the mustache, Jim Gordon, tells her that her name is Rachel Dawes. He looks guilty whenever he speaks to her, and he fails to look her in the eye. Rachel (she still feels weird about using that name) hates talking to him. He treats her like a raw egg.

The woman, Bethany, is better company. She doesn’t seem to know Rachel, so she doesn’t have any weird feelings about her or whatever. Not that Gordon tells her anything about who she is.

Bethany is definitely hiding something as well, but Rachel can’t bring herself to care. She feels empty. She’s staying in the hospital for the time being, and she has nothing to do. It’s excruciating, feeling empty. Not knowing anything about herself.

It’s better than the dreams though. When Rachel sleeps, she dreams; and the dreams are scary and confusing. She dreams about bats and the smell of gasoline. She dreams about burlap and blind panic. She dreams about maggots and rotten food. She dreams about headaches and wine.

She dreams about blue eyes, and hands grabbing her naked body tightly.

Tonight, she dreams about a conversation, about two detached voices. She recognizes both of them, but she can only put one of them together with the picture of someone’s face, it’s Bethany. The voices resound in her head and make her stomach turn.

“What do you think you’re doing? Who knows what will happen. The pit shouldn’t be -”

That’s Bethany.

“Quiet. I don’t care whether or not this works.”

It’s the voice of a man, and she knows the voice. It makes her tremble to her bones, makes her think about blue and burlap and maggots. Are those things connected?

Bethany gasps, but doesn’t say anything. Something bubbles and sizzles right in Rachel’s ears, and when she opens her eyes, she’s met with brilliant blue ones.

.

Rachel will get released from the hospital today, and Gordon asks if it’s okay if he brings a visitor.

“Why?”, Rachel asks, squinting her eyes suspiciously. 

Gordon looks at the ground, like he always does when he visits her. Rachel doesn’t even know what color his eyes are.

(Not blue. At least not _that_ blue, that much she knows.)

“To help you with your memories. Hopefully. Even though you most likely don’t know him.”

Rachel frowns.

“What? Then why would it help me?”

Gordon sighs and leans back. So he’s not going to explain any of it. Alright. Rachel tightens a fist and clicks her tongue.

“Alright. Bring him in. I don’t care.”

She does care. The moment the man in the bat costume walks in, Rachel breaks out in tears, and she doesn’t know why. Even this feels wrong, somehow, though. This man doesn’t seem right, not like he’s supposed to.

.

Rachel sits around alone all day, in her apartment.

Gordon had managed all the paperwork to get her one, and comes by ever so often. She hates it, but she can’t stop him, she guesses. At least she doesn’t have to see “Batman” anymore.

She was an Assistant District Attorney before she lost her memories, Gordon had told her. She knows what that means, somehow. She knows what one has to do in that job, though she doesn’t remember actually having that job. She also doesn’t know if she’ll ever work again.

Rachel is tired, and frustrated. No one tells her what happened, no one is willing to look her into the eyes. No one that knew her before, that is. She truly doesn’t know what to do, and it drives her crazy.

Her doorbell rings, and Rachel stands up. She doesn’t remember Gordon wanting to come over today, but apparently he’s here. She doesn’t really know any other people anymore, after all.

The man on the other side of the door isn’t Gordon though. He’s shorter than her, and wears a worn out suit and sunglasses. Rachel frowns and leans into the doorframe.

“Who are you? Or rather, what do you want?”

The man is quiet for a second, and then takes the sunglasses off, switching them with normal glasses. Rachel chokes on her breath.

“Have you already forgotten about me? I’m hurt.”

His face is blank, but his voice is dripping with sarcasm. Rachel feels so dizzy she thinks she’s going to collapse. She grips the doorframe for support, and her knuckles turn white with the hard grip of her hands.

The man knits his brows together and takes a step towards her.

“Are you okay?”

He looks around. Rachel would think of that as suspicious, if not for the fact that she was desperately trying not to vomit on his shoes.

“Let’s go inside.”, the man whispers, and Rachel nods weakly.

She feels like running away, like she should not be around this man, but she’s about to collapse and he seems to know her. Maybe she will finally get some answers. The man takes another step towards her, and puts her arm around his shoulder to support her. When he closes the door and walks her over to her couch, he seems as reluctant to touch her as she feels about letting him touch her.

It’s over soon enough though, and she’s sitting on her sofa now.

“Do you need a bucket?”

His questions are thoughtful somehow, but it feels fake. His heart is not in it and she knows that.

Rachel shakes her head.

“I’m fine. Sit down.”

He does as she says, and after a final wave of nausea, Rachel looks up to him.

“Who are you?”

The man squints thoughtfully.

“You don’t remember anything.”

Rachel nods, impatiently now. Her head is spinning. She hasn’t felt that many emotions at the same time since seeing “Batman” at the hospital.

The man leans back and adjusts his glasses. He’s thinking it over, and Rachel feels disappointment swelling up inside her. So he’s not going to tell her anything either.

“Jonathan Crane. That’s my name. We met… through work.”

Rachel nods slowly, feeling anticipation rise inside her again. The rollercoaster of emotion got her heart pumping like crazy.

“So you are what, like the District Attorney? Or just someone from the office?”

Crane laughs at that, and Rachel can see something glinting in his eyes. It makes her uneasy. Makes her think that maybe she didn’t like this man when she still had her memories.

“No. I’m a psychiatrist. I worked at Arkham Asylum.”

Suddenly, Rachel connects the dots. Crane’s blue eyes twinkle, and she knows - she knows. He’s the voice in her dream. He’s also the blue eyes. Rachel trembles.

Crane quirks his head to the side.

“Are you okay?”, there’s something in his voice, some kind of bite, and Rachel suddenly knows she shouldn’t tell the man anything carelessly.

She nods.

“Yes. I know Arkham. Though I don’t remember why I know it.”

Crane doesn’t say anything. Rachel’s hands begin to sweat. She _needs_ to know more.

“What was our relationship like?”

She doesn’t know why she wants to know that, exactly, but she does. Crane licks his lips and looks to the side. What is he thinking? What is he hiding?

“Well…”, he starts. “We were. Y’know. Like that.”

His voice sounds different than before, and Rachel’s heart skips a beat. Is that possible? She remembers her dreams about his eyes and his hands on her naked skin and blushes.

Maybe it’s true. It feels weird, though, because she has some weird feelings towards him. Some sort of reluctance.

“Did we fight?”

Crane laughs again, the same joyless sound. It sounds sarcastic, and it makes her angry somehow. It feels like it has always made her angry.

“You could say that.”

Rachel wants to ask another question, continue this interrogation to finally feed the holes in her sense of self, but Crane looks at the clock and his eyes widen.

“I got to go.”

He stands up, and Rachel instinctively grabs his jacket. He can’t just go. What will she do without him, without the information he has?

“Are you coming by again?”

For the first time, a smile spreads over Crane’s face. It seems almost carnivorous, but Rachel doesn’t care to notice.

“Of course. Nobody else is going to tell you anything, after all, right?”

It’s strange. Rachel stares at her own reflection in his eyes, and the woman she sees feels more like a stranger than he does.


End file.
